Page 82 - THE ENDLESS WAVE | Skateboarding, Death & Spirituality

THE ENDLESS WAVE | PART ONE
The next type of person I see grieving is one that is experiencing what I would call profound grief. They are practically immobilized by grief. I have seen people finding it a challenge to put one foot in front of the other. Grief has hit them like a freight train. It has rocked them to their core, and they are frozen. They cry deeply and you can feel their pain.
In between the stiff upper lip and paralysis/wailing, you have a vast array of displays of grief. Kleenex tissues are clutched tight and gently dabbed onto faces. People stare despondently at the ground, never looking up. Still, others try a whole different tact and try to use humour to deal with the situation. I’ve come to believe that grief doesn’t really care what you do — it just lingers there, ready to pounce and hit you.
At one particular funeral, I worked, a father had died due to a drug overdose. The ex-wife and three children came up to the casket crying. It was probably one of the most intense things I had ever seen. There wasn’t just grief, there was a deep anger mixed with the grief. The children had written letters to their father which they placed into the casket. Now, with their father dead, there was no way he could read these words. I wonder how things might have turned out if they had managed to convey their thoughts to him before he died.
Of course, I will never really know the story of this man. It’s all really con- jecture at this point. Grief brings with it a lot of “should have, could have and would have” conversations. When we bury someone who has com- mitted suicide or has died accidentally due to an overdose, there are two words that keep floating in my mind: “if only.” “If only” is the precursor to “coulda/shoulda/woulda.” For some, it offers a fleeting glimpse of explana- tion or a glimmer of hope. But this feeling gets pummeled by the reality of death. Grief is unrelenting and stealthy. It waits silently and slithers into people’s brains at any moment.
When I witness grief flow through a crowd of mourners, I see how people try to support one another. Many wear sunglasses that they hope will deflect grief. In most cases, it’s merely a prop. Their body language tells the whole story.
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