Page 83 - THE ENDLESS WAVE | Skateboarding, Death & Spirituality

THE ENDLESS WAVE | PART ONE
They shake with grief. As they try to console each other with hugs and heartfelt words, grief consumes the crowd.
Some people grieve for a relationship that might have been. We grieve know- ing that there may have been countless opportunities to connect over the dec- ades that were never taken. I call this type of grief, stealth grief. You think you’re grieving for one thing, but in actual fact, you are grieving for something completely different.
Grief doesn’t just apply to people who have died. It can apply to breakups, pets, missed opportunities and of course jobs. I have been fired a few times. It was pain- ful, but I didn’t really grieve. In at least one case, it was a relief to be let go. I was a terrible receptionist. In my defense, this was before voicemail was invented.
When I look back on the past year of publishing Concrete Wave Magazine, I re- alize that I was entering a period of grief. But the grief manifested itself that went beyond merely stealth grief. I had watched with alarm as my advertisers started to abandon the magazine for the digital shores. YouTube, Facebook and Instagram were starting to become a big deal. I felt powerless to stop things. I used to compare the change to a watercolour artist who was told one day to throw away his brushes, paint and canvas and pick up a hammer, chisel and a slab of marble. The artist in me was finding it incredibly difficult to master the new digital realm. I couldn’t understand the financial model and ink had coursed through my veins for so long that I felt lost in pixels. I knew the magazine was in a death spiral, but I couldn’t figure out a path forward.
Looking back, I realize now that I was paralyzed with fear of not really know- ing what to do. I started to become unsure, and my creativity started to seize up. You can probably imagine what happened next. I started to get writer’s block. I lost my mojo. The entire experience was isolating and deeply frustrat- ing. This is the extraordinary power of grief. It will consume you and twist you in ways you never thought imaginable.
Despite this dark period, I did manage to navigate it. I gave the magazine to a fellow skater to see if he could carry on the message. It felt like a massive
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